30th Birthday Reflective Post

After checking into my room

At Tanjung Aru to watch the sunset

Blogging has always been the most effective way to convey my thoughts and views on things that matter to me in life. I started blogging in 2013, when I was in my final semester of university, and that is nearly six years ago.

The first few years had been very exciting moments of my blogging life where I connected with many, many fabulous authors, writer and bloggers across the world. I was also actively writing on Glipho (which is now discontinued), and discovering new friends online. After some time, I went out of the radar for a couple of years as I embark on my job.

Sunset at Tanjung Aru

At Pekan Nabalu, on the way to Kundasang

I turned 30 on the 10th of January this year. I planned for a solo trip as I have always wanted to go on a trip all by myself at least once. Somewhere in August 2018, while my brother, my sister-in-law and I were having Briyani for lunch after the settlement of the downpayment for their new home, I browsed through the AirAsia website for a return ticket to Kota Kinabalu (KK), Sabah and booked it without having a second thought. As much as I love my family, I came to terms with the fact that I need to buckle down and be prepared for the transition of staying on my own after having them both moved to their own new house. I wanted to embrace the challenge of travelling to a place that is totally foreign to me and having to enjoy my own company, as I thought it would help widen my perspective on life.

That's my silhouette

Overseeing Mount Kinabalu

The Mount Kinabalu from Desa Dairy Farm

Kundasang is a beautiful place located nearly two and a half hours away from Kota Kinabalu, the capital of the state of Sabah. Some of the girls from my university debate alumni team made a plan to visit Kundasang after our trip to Cambodia. However, the plan remains a plan to date. This triggered me to make my own plan for my upcoming birthday.

At the Kipungit waterfall

My tour guide cum driver, Airul

At Desa Dairy Farm

Interestingly, I stumbled upon a post wrote on post on three things to achieve by 30 six years ago. Looking back, I am surprised to learn that I have achieved most of the aims I had back then by the time I am 30. I had completely forgotten that having this post written somewhere in the 2013. Nevertheless, I think these aims were ingrained in my subconcious mind that I am able to achieve most of them without needing to be reminded by a post or a diary.

I wanted to do something else than engineering if I were to further my education, and I completed my MBA at the age of 28. I cleared off my education loan on the very last week of December 2018 since the previous ruling government offered a 20% discount from the total loan for every student who pays off the education loan in a single payment. I also paid off my car loan by the end of 2015 and in the first half of 2016, I secured a bank loan for the house I am living in now. I have created two small businesses (www.internationalbookpromotion.com and www.ibpeditingservices.com), which are based online, and I am looking at ways to bring them both to the next levels at the moment, while actively searching for ways to make passive income. I'm not there yet, but I will be there, surely! I have not decided where I want to live as of now but that probably is not an issue, at the moment.

Now, having returned from my birthday solo trip, I wanted to write a reflective post on visit. 

1. Trust no one but trust everyone
The scariest thing for any solo traveller is to trust strangers they meet along their journey. When you need to ask for directions, when you're not comfortable with the hotel room you are staying, or when you need a lift from a passerby after your car broke down; you need to trust a stranger to an extend to get your journey going. I learned that I should be open to trusting people to an extend but always be wary of who they are and how they behave. I also learned to listen to my gut feelings about someone I meet. Energy doesn't lie. If you don't feel good about something, do not proceed further with the activity or intention.

2. The universe opens ways for every decision you take
When I was about to book my holiday tickets, I had no idea how I would be spending three days at KK. I only thought of heading to Kundasang. I didn't know exactly how and when I'd be doing it but all I knew was the fact that I'd come up with a plan that would help me to realize my birthday trip. I think, the decision I made to purchase the ticket made the difference. The holiday destination had been finalized and the rest of it followed through.

I was indeed very meticulous when drafting out my plans as I was very conscious about the teeny-weeny decisions I make pertaining to the holiday due to the fact that I would be travelling alone. My initial plan was to travel using a car rented from Kota Kinabalu and head towards Kundasang. I booked a car (without pre-payment) about two months before my trip. As I Googled, I learned that there are quite a number of places to visit, both at Kundasang and KK. With the limited time available, I was concurrently trying to draft an itinerary to fit in as many worthy places as possible. I also booked a few hotel rooms (without pre-payment) via booking.com at KK and Kundasang so that I could pick the best one based on my finalized itinerary later and cancel the rest.

I read blog posts from other travellers on noteworthy tips while visiting KK and Kundasang. My mind was pretty much occupied on how the trip should go like and as a result, I got a little restless. Not only that, I couldn't really decide and stick to anything as I was very concerned on getting all the plans laid out right.

However, towards the end of the year, I stumbled upon a Facebook post about a friend having visited Kundasang and I dropped her a message right away. She shared her tour guide's number and little did I know that getting in touch with him would be changing my plans altogether, but for good. I ended up having a tour guide cum driver for the first two days of my trip and having him driving me to places made the trip safe as some roads were a little challenging for new drivers, especially during rainy days since Kundasang is a mountainous town about 1,900 meters above the sea level.

A few weeks before my trip, I got to know that my friend is posted at KK for a couple of months for a project. I stayed with her the last two days and it was a pleasure meeting her after three years.

I was amazed at how everything fell into its place and although my trip swayed from its original plan, I still had an incredible trip and I loved every bit of it.

The Kipungit waterfall

The sunset of 10th Jan

3. Steer clear from noises when you need to gain clarity on life
There were quite a few people who were worried about me travelling alone for my birthday trip like my mom, dad and some close friends. I think despite having my travel insurance booked and assuring them that I've made sufficient research on the trip, they were still worried. Although their fear is totally understandable, at the end of the day, I think I learned to make that leap of faith.

I wanted this trip very badly, not just as a birthday treat, but also as a chance for soul-searching. The need to just stay away from eveything for a bit was so mind-boggling that I had to disguise it as a holiday, and I was sure people around me didn't notice the actual intention, which is much deeper than just a vacation. Your soul knows what you need the best; not the people around you.

Sometimes, when you are at the verge of not being able to explain yourself, the best thing you can do is to steer clear from noises as peace would help you to make better decisions. I am glad I took time to do this as I was able to gain clarity on a few things that I was contemplating. In simplicity, you gain clarity. For all you know, the takeaway lesson from journeys like this would help you stay true to your goals in life in the long run.

4. You're in control; and one step away from a different life
The ultimate reason why we are often encouraged to stretch out of the comfort zone during the lowest point of our lives is to provide an opportunity for us to learn that we are always in control of our lives and that we are always one step away from a life we want. The scariest and out-of-the-comfort-zone thing to do is the most liberating of all.

Me at the Manukan Islands

During the sunset of 10th Jan

Right from the beginning, I knew that I am one click away from booking a ticket and making my plans happen. But, I had so many what ifs and buts that were already marring my vision and as I gave these thoughts more power, they dominated my courage and the plan remained a plan because I was so focused on how to make it happen rather than just deciding that the plan will be achieved. It is the lack of the envisioning power that deters the entire dreams of our lives.

5. Learn how to enjoy your own company
On the third day of my trip, I had nobody to accompany the day-trip. All I did was to simply get a Grab driver to send me to the places I wanted to visit. I learned to enjoy my own company and the company of people I meet along the way. I thought this was one of the most treasurable moments of the trip as I discovered my abilities to blend with people although being an introvert. I fell in love with solitude, and I knew I would be able to continue enjoying the 'me time' upon my return from the trip.

6. Sometimes, failing to plan can lead to beautiful pathways
Despite the fact that I was meticulously planning for a perfect trip, towards the end of the year, I decided to with the flow and stopped bothering much about the places I would cover. I literally had no place on mind for the third day. Island hopping was an activity that crossed my mind but I was tired on the second day. I took all the time I needed to take a shower that morning and went to the lobby to ask for my breakfast. As I was having breakfast, I contemplated on the idea of going for island hopping as I was told that the tide is high. However, it was a bright sunny day and after checking out several things with the receptionist, I booked a Grab ride to the jetty and in no time, I bought my tickets to the Manukan and Sapi Islands. Later, I felt so glad for having visited the islands as the views were breathtaking. At times, letting things go loose could lead to a beautiful journey.

The breathtaking Sapi Islands

The corals at Sapi Islands

8. Learn to trust your decisions when nobody does, and be accountable for them
Most often than not, opinions are just meant to be taken with a grain of salt. There might be a solid reason behind every decision of yours and people around you may have not realized the the depth of thoughts. Do what needs to be done and take accountability for your decision. Even if your plan fails, at least you know why you wanted it in the first place.

10. Take chances
If you're young and healthy, now is the time for you to actualize your dreams more than any other time of your life ever. You can surely attain your wishes much later in your life, but the price you need to pay would be greater. The effort you need to take when you are sick, occupied with a busy career or a family life would be more challenging than the times in life when you have lower commitment level. I learned that taking chances in life is so important as it would make you feel satisfied with the achievements you trade.

The view at Sapi Islands

Sapi Islands, near KK

11. Learn how to take calculated risks
I reckoned that there are risks with everything we do in life and a solo trip is also a risky one, especially if you do not plan things ahead wisely. The planning here refers to your safety precautions and travel tips that you should be aware of before travelling. When you have decided to travel alone, you would be fully accountable of your safety and unknowingly, you'd read more about what should and should not be done wherever you are travelling to.

I think any trip made alone would teach us the ability to take calculated risks in life and this skill would eventually help us take the leap of faith in making changes in our lives for a better living.

12. Celebrate life

This trip undeniably taught me how to celebrate life! I did that by welcoming my 30th birthday with a friend who called me to wish me happiness. We cracked jokes and ended up laughing hard for an hour. It was truly a trip to remember and I would carry these takeaway messages whenever life pulls me down.  

***

I welcome your thoughts and views ! :D Thank you for your feedback

Back to Blogging

Hello readers,

I just realized that I've not been blogging for a little over two years now! I've missed expressing my thoughts on issues that matter, especially when I come across mind-boggling news. If there is one thing that has not changed over these couple of years, it has to be how rapes are still rampant to date!

My businesses, job and personal life have taken a vast majority of my time that I hardly could find neither the energy not the time to blog. There was also times I struggled with anxiety and depression.

I'm glad to announce that I've regained composure and very much looking forward to blogging soon.

I've missed interacting with many of you from the Support a Writer group!

Hope to hear from you soon!

Love,
Jas

Book Review: Sex and Power by Rita Banerji

Sex and Power by Rita Banerji

I would like to thank Author Kelli Sue Landon for helping me to get this book from Amazon. Find Kelli on one of these social media sites if you are a fan of murder mystery and thriller books. 

WordPress: https://kellisuelandon.wordpress.com/ Twitter: @kellisuelandon Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Kelli-Sue-Landon-Author-128375177223550/

Her book review site: https://kellisbookreviews.wordpress.com/

I'm glad I read this book. So glad I did. I got to know about Rita Banerji sometime ago and wanted to grab a copy of her book through Amazon, which I couldn't, as the title was and I believe still is not available where I live. Kelli helped me to get the book via Kindle and gifted it to me. It had been on my Kindle device for about a year, if I'm not wrong. I don't read books on Kindle to be honest but finally decided to read it as I know it is worth getting a glimpse of the thoughts of Rita Banerji, an activist whose work largely revolves around women's rights in India. I like how she does extensive research to reveal cultural myths and the way religions both glorified and condoned human beings' sexuality. 

Rita's book will definitely shed some light on issues we thought were taboo. I particularly like how women were so much sexually empowered through religions. The Golden Era saw men and women emphasising 'romance' and 'love-making' where they respected each other. Rita also wrote very distinctly on the influence of religions and how 'sex and power' were viewed and handled differently according to their respective religious view point. 

Towards the end, I'm able to learn on how the present-day India is still struggling in promoting equality and how leaders like Mahatma Gandhi, whose preaching and practice on sexual stance had great disparities their own sexual. 

I would rate this book 10/10 and give it ten stars on Amazon, if I could. 

Check it out on https://www.amazon.com/Sex-Power-Defining-History-Societies/dp/0143064711

WordPress: sexandpower.wordpress.com


I welcome your thoughts and views ! :D Thank you for your feedback.

Denying Your Past Is Denying Your Dignity

Shame prevents us from revealing our past
Image courtesy: http://cis-india.org/news/indiatimes-sonal-bhadoria-nov-21-2012-indias-shame-world-reacts-to-fb-post-arrest/image

I was reading about Laxmi; the acid attack fighter, her husband; Alok Dixit, and their love story a couple of days ago. I personally feel that Wikipedia should refer her as acid attack survivor rather than calling her a victim. I cannot stop admiring this girl for her courage and the couple whose true love amazes me. It makes me realize that time decides who you meet in life and character decides who leaves and stays. 

You can check out my previous post about her here.

Above all, what I can learn from Laxmi's story is to be true to oneself and stop being bothered about what people who think about being transparent. As an acid attack victim turned fighter, Laxmi's life was destroyed by a man twice her age when she was just 15 years old. Never would she have imagined that turning his love proposals down could invite an ugly consequences. She was thrown acid on her face and body following the rejection, suffered severe burn on various parts of her body and went through surgeries to repair the damages. 

India is a country known for its multi-ethnicity. However, there is something common among all ethnics and that is the way women are treated in the society. When a woman is mistreated or sexually harassed by men, it is because she asked for it. It is because she lured their attention by intentionally misbehaving or seducing men simply by being a woman. Laxmi was not the only to be blamed for what had happened to her. Many other acid attack and sexually-harassed victims do not get a chance for their voices to be heard. They shy away from the society that cripples and labels them with various ugly names. 

Imagine if Laxmi had succumbed to the restrictions that the Indian society had imposed upon women, she wouldn't have been recognised internationally as an advocate for acid attack victims. She chose to embrace past gracefully and fight against such cruelty despite not getting full support from people around her. Imagine if she decided to stay within her comfort zone, Laxmi wouldn't have met Alok. He wouldn't have fallen in love with Laxmi's courageous nature. Imagine if she too, like anyone else, believed that all men are not to be trusted as treat women badly, she wouldn't have spotted the kind-hearted man in Alok. 

Laxmi's story is just another example to prove that humanity is within reach and can be experienced if we allow to see goodness in every situation. Staying true to ourselves will only help us gravitate closer towards people who could resonate with our very own thoughts and beliefs. Unfortunately, far too many women and men choose to deny their past and called it the 'dark secret' just because they have gone through something that the society would not approve of. 

Let's just face the fact. How many of us are actually comfortable talking about sexual education, sexual orientation or sexual preferences to children? Do we go ahead and tell people that sexual workers deserve equal rights as other employees? 

Do we actually speak our mind and tell people not to judge us based on our story? 

We don't. Period. 

We never really raise our boys to respect women. We do not make them do the house chores. We still think that a woman's place is at the kitchen. We do not practice what we preach. 

Let's all start living life truthfully. Lend your opinions and feelings a voice and let that voice be yours. Speak up for what you believe in and never hide your story which is ultimately, your life! 

 I welcome your thoughts and views ! :D Thank you for your feedback

Not Your Mom, Not Your Milk!

Hello again!

The Herd

I'm writing a post here after nearly 9 months and I must say that work, part-time studies and business have been keeping waaaaayy too busy. Oh, I forgot to mention that in the middle of all these, we've a new house purchase agreement that is going on. 2015 had been a crazy but very successful and rewarding year. I hope all of you had a great year and all the best for year 2016.

I saw this post on Facebook yesterday and I can't stop thinking about it! Initially, I thought this short video is based on a real incident that's happening to women but I just learned that it is based on the reality of all farmed animals and dairy cows being exploited everyday in farms across the world for us to enjoy a glass of milk.

Now, I'm not sure if I should feel glad that's it not happening to women or feel bad for the way we treat cows.

I didn't manage to watch this video past 7 minutes. 

Viewer discretion: For mature audiences only.

Does this ever ring a bell to you that we have been very selective in our battles that we no longer care about things that do not affect us any more?

The Herd replaces female cows with female humans, and by doing so hopes to promote a greater understanding of the suffering inflicted upon cows in the dairy industry. It is known as the first feminist vegan horror film.

 I welcome your thoughts and views ! :D Thank you for your feedback

Charlie Hebdo: Yay or Nay?

As it happened: Charlie Hebdo attack

In January 2015, a group of Islamists went on a killing spree on the streets of Paris following the cartoon publication by Charlie Hebdo demonstrating caricatures of Prophet Muhammad. Charlie Hebdo, a weekly satirical magazine that largely criticizes many aspects of human life had angered the Muslims and provoked the extremists to hurt the editors and staffs of Charlie Hebdo. Seventeen people were killed in that incident including twelve staffs from the office of Charlie Hebdo in Paris. 

#JeSuisCharlieHebdo had been the hashtag of the month when the incident sparked a wide debate all over the world with politicians, law makers and the public pouring out comments in favour and against Charlie Hebdo. A large part of the public showing support to Charlie Hebdo and the right to express opinions were merely joining in the uproar without understanding the fundamental arguments that are underlying this issue in general. 

Earlier this month, Charlie Hebdo magazine was awarded the controversial freedom of expression award by the American PEN and Thoret, Charlie Hebdo's flim critic who received the award did not seem to be happy when people say they are Charlie Hebdo. 

“When you say: ‘Everybody is Charlie,’” Thoret said, referring to the “Je Suis Charlie” slogan that consumed social media and became a subject of some debate among those who found its style uncomfortable, “We have two waves of reactions.” At first, he says, of course he agrees. But then, he added, he realises that the slogan itself “doesn’t mean anything”.
It will take months, Thoret said. “We’ll see the way the debate [over freedom of expression] is going” then, he said. It would be horrible, he said, to find himself surrounded by people who all agree with each other. It would remind him, he said, as a film critic, of The Invasion of the Body Snatchers. They were happy for the support but, he added: “We are not naive.”

We all know that the magazine is satirical and when we say satirical, it appears offensive and unpleasant for many. Charlie Hebdo is claimed to be a part of the solutions by promoting equality, liberty and fraternity and the magazine is generally for the French audience. The satirical weekly Charlie Hebdo was the conscious heir to a French intellectual tradition with a long history: radical anticlericalism. 

With these facts on mind, will a satirical magazine succeed in bringing about positive impacts on society and is it okay to expect people to accept what it publishes with an open mind? 

The reaction from Charlie Hebdo following the brutal attack in January 2015.

Charlie Hebdo hurts people. That is a fact we all can't deny. It may have won the award earlier this month but will it be a champion in educating the public on worldly issues and the way we live our lives? As we know, anything good, when is expressed in ways that could hurt others would not be wholly accepted. What more when it involves sensitive issues of religions and cultures? 

There will be a reaction to any action enforced by people and the reaction is often projected with the same spirit and emotions. So, can we really blame the Islamists for reacting in such manner when what happened had provoked hatred in the Muslim society? Although it would have been wiser for them to ignore what had offended them, it is not rational to expect people to react the same way as the others. The attack should have been something that the editors must have expected to happen even before they publish the caricature. 

So, Charlie Hebdo: Yay or Nay? Yay if the magazine is ready to face the consequences of its actions and the non-constructive criticism. 

 I welcome your thoughts and views ! :D Thank you for your feedback

The Montreal Massacre 1989: Another Reason Why We Need Feminism

The victims of Montreal Massacre 1989

On December 6 1989, a shooter attacked 14 victims and killed 14 other female students in the École Polytechnique. The attacker's entrance application to the institution was turned down and he believed the female students occupying the class was the reason behind it. 

25 years later, today, our communities are still plagued by gender violence. We have not witnessed any promising improvements on reducing gender violence and efforts taken by activists and advocates have not been truly welcomed evenly by people around the globe for the effect to take place. 

Although female students in higher education institutions have outnumbered the male students, women still see the need to compete for jobs and opportunities once they step out of college. Our voices aren't heard because the society has painted an evil image of feminism over the time that nobody thinks women's problems are problems in the first place. 

Ironically, like the shooter in the incident of Montreal Massacre, we have more men thinking that feminists are the root cause of the problems they have today and sadly, their opinions are greatly echoed by the society. 

Women are losing the strength to even voice out because doing so would always backfire them. Calling oneself a feminist has never been a pleasant experience and as long as we see ourselves remaining silent and not breaking this norm, we will not actually embrace real change. 

Let us all stay united in fighting social injustice while remembering women who lost their lives to gender violence. 

 I welcome your thoughts and views ! :D Thank you for your feedback

Because You Are Not Good Enough

Because You Are Not Good Enough

Ladies!! If you think you are happy with the way you are, grateful for the talents you have and believe that what's inside matters the most, the brilliant fashionistas are here to prove you wrong!

You are not good enough! - that's the tag line and the fashion statement of an apparel company that has invented thigh gap jeans for ladies. Yes, your thighs shouldn't touch when you wear your jeans. It's not feminine enough. It doesn't define beauty.

At "Thigh Gap" your jeans come with a small wooden stick that you can jam between your upper thighs to create a beautiful (read: painful) gap between your legs. And they're on sale for only $69.99!

Play this video to see this ridiculous idea for yourself. 

After all, we are living in an era where the modeling companies are trying to bring plus size models into the industry. Feminism is surely witnessing the impact of enforcing equality for women and accepting women in all sizes.

Thigh Gap

That is also a sign of modern women choosing to dress the way they want and stop giving a damn to the fashion industry.

Businesses are trying hard to dictate how we live life and they seem to be inventing crazy ideas to keep the oppression strong on our society. They surely know how to play the game pretty well.

On the other hand, what are we, as the consumers supposed to do? Dress the way we want and create or own fashion statement and identity for ourselves. That's the day we will see industries designing clothes according to our needs.

Maya Angelou and The Hidden Past

The world was saddened by the demise of Maya Angelou a few months ago. She was a great leader, a brilliant teacher and above all, a wonderful soul who had so many stories and life's lessons to share with us. Admit it. We actually learn about people more when they are gone. Their good and bad deeds would turn into topics to discuss for the next few days.

Maya Angelou was no exception. She passed away at the age of 86, leaving behind her glorious life as a legacy. The media did a commendable job in highlighting her achievements but what amazes me is the fact that the media glorified the 'good stuff' of her life, the 'past' that we would be proud to talk about, the stories that would earn her more 'respect' and the talents she had that left the entire world amazed. 

What about the past that made her into who she was until the day she died? What about the 'least glorified' stories of her life? The untold mistakes that made her stronger and wiser?

I'm not very sure how many of you had actually read Maya's books. I came to know that she was one of the most successful non-fiction writers after her death. (Shame on me on not knowing this earlier! I know. I will be buying those books soon! *excited* ) Maya Angelou had a very challenging life. She was raped, she was a prostitute, she smoked pot and took drugs. Throughout her life, she was a strong advocate for the underprivileged people. She stood against racism, sexism and other ugly forms of discrimination. In an interview with her, she had explained what it actually feels to be doing something that may be wrong in the society's point of view.

I agree that she had lived life to the fullest and nobody would have preferred talking about her as a prostitute in the wake of her death but ignoring her past as a sex worker, a night club dancer and a madam for lesbian prostitutes simplifies her legacy. This issue was debated by Aya De Leon on Huffington Post. Maya never felt intimidated by her past. She chose to embrace her past, forgive herself and learn from the mistakes. There are lessons she learned from the journey of her life. Her past defined her life and herself.

Her past itself also advocates for prostitutes, lesbians, gays and feminists. Unfortunately, the media did not discuss her struggles as much as they embraced and celebrated her achievements and this is actually an issue that we should address. When someone is walking out of their 'not-so-nice' past, turning over a new leaf and looking forward to living a meaningful life, why do we choose to encourage them to erase their history?

Failure leads to success and success is celebrated but nobody values failure. We are living in a society that is highly judgemental. We are expected to find the route to success without failing because people don't accept mistakes. As soon as we know someone has erred in their life, we quickly judge them, label them, degrade them and undermine their quality of life.

One of Maya Angelou's autobiographies, "Gather Together In My Name” revealed her life as a sex worker.

“I sat thinking about the spent day. The faces, bodies and smells of the tricks made an unending paisley pattern in my mind. Except for the Tamiroffish first customer, the others had no individual characteristics. The strong Lysol washing water stung my eyes and a film of vapor coated my adenoids. I had expected the loud screams of total orgasmic release and felt terribly inadequate when the men had finished with grunts and yanked up their pants without thanks.”

I must say that we hesitate to accept women's past as compared to men. This double standard has been around in our society for a long time. As a result, women erase the black marks in their lives and avoid being discriminated.

Do you celebrate your past without prejudice and let people know who you are for real or do you think it is necessary to safeguard your darkest secret in order to allow the society to let you live life peacefully? 

 I welcome your thoughts and views !  Thank you for your feedback

Review: Belonging by Sameem Ali

I finished reading two books in just two days. I made a review for "Daughters of Shame" written by Jasvinder Sanghera in my previous post and this one is for Belonging by Sameem Ali. 

Daughters of Shame and Belonging are two books about #forcedmarriages and coincidentally, these two books were written by Asian women whose parents hail from Pakistan and India. Jasvinder and Sameem's parents migrated to the Great Britain where the ladies were born. 

when I put down Jasvinder's book, I went to my shelf and picked this book up. As I started reading I realized that the story is somewhat similar and it took place also in Britain. Then I knew that forced marriages and honour killings are REAL and these horrible crimes are still happening today. I like the way the story is narrated in "Belonging". It is very engaging and believable. Sameem grew up in a children's home when she was young where life as a kid was beautiful for her and the rest of the kids. When she turned 7, her parents came to take her home and that's where the not-so-nice life started. 

She was basically treated like a slave, forced to do all the housework, forced to marry someone in Pakistan (one of her uncles had unsettled debts and to settle it off, Sameem was forced to marry one of his sons). She never knew what marriage, sex and pregnancy were at the age of thirteen but she was pregnant and had a child at the age of 14. 

Sameem was mistreated by her own family and it is really sad to know that the society still thinks that girls should not get proper sexual education. She never knew that women will go through menstruation and she was not even explained about it after attaining puberty. The society is cruel towards women as we are not even allowed to explore our own bodies and the way they work. We are not supposed to fully mature sexually because knowing what's happening to our bodies would educate us on how to protect ourselves and that would mean less control for men on women. What a shame!

This is an excerpt from the book that makes my stomach churn!

" Mother decided that she could fix the stutter by cutting the skin under my tongue, which she told me was pulling my tongue down in the wrong way. She shouted angrily at Hanif to help her, and the two of them laid me down on the kitchen floor, and told me to open my mouth. I was confused but did as I was told. In Mother's hand was a razor blade, the kind found in an old-fashioned razor. I stared at in horror. "

We have seen gradual improvements on racism, gay-lesbian rights, and many other issues plaguing our society but it's sad to know that we are still battling the war against sexism in 2014. It's sad to see Emma Watson being threatened online by some jerk who thinks he could leak her nude photos and humiliate her.

It's not just the UN ambassador's responsibilities to fight for justice. Let's spread awareness and make this place a better place for women and men. If we continue to portray men as rude, dominating and evil, when are we going to see the gentlemen around? 

 I welcome your thoughts and views ! Thank you for your feedback

Daughters of Shame: A Review

Daughters of Shame

If you have never read any books written by human’s rights advocate, you should add this book to your TBR list!

I have read the first book written by this author (Shame by Jasvinder Sanghera) and I must say that domestic violence and child marriage are REAL and the pain can be very tormenting even when the victims are no longer abused.

In her first book, she wrote about her childhood and how she managed to escape the forced marriage. I’ve learnt about the Asian community living in the UK through this book and how the girls face similar issues at home.

In this book, she had shared some of the women’s stories whom she is helping through the community-based organization in the U.K by the name of Karma Nirvana. Jasvinder is the founder of this community and she voices out for the victims of honour-based crimes in the U.K.

It is absolutely saddening to see so many women and men who have fallen victims to one of the most atrocious form of crime among the Asian community. Girls as young as twelve are sent back to their parents’ country (which is usually India and Pakistan) where they are forced to marry men twice their age. These girls were often abused and tortured; treated like slaves and their children suffer the consequences of not having educated parents to care for them.

Girls who go against their parents’ wish were often killed by their own families in the name of honour!

I applaud the work being done by Karma Nirvana and Jasvinder Sanghera as the U.K. has enforced the Forced Marriage Act to protect underage children and adults from forced marriages and honour-based crimes.

 I welcome your thoughts and views ! Thank you for your feedback

I Have A Dream And I Want To Live It

You and I, we all have dreams. We all want to live the life according to our own ways. We refuse to have our rights ripped off right in front of our very own eyes. We all want our freedom. We want the need to be respected for who we are and the choices we make. What happens when someone tries to snatch these needs away from us? We'd definitely refuse to budge and fight back to retain our dreams. 

Unfortunately, the world is made of some people who think that they don't just own the rights to decide their own lives, but also the lives of others. This young lady's dream was shattered by a man who thought he owns the right to decide how a girl's life should be. This incident happened in New Dehli; one of the largest cities in India. 

Acid Attack Fighter Laxmi

This is Laxmi, the Acid Attack Fighter, and this is her story. (quoted from her Facebook page)

My name is Laxmi. Read my story. I'm one of you. In fact, I am like you. I was young and beautiful and I had a dream. Even when I was studying in a Delhi school in Class VII, I would spend hours singing. I'd recorded my songs and sent them to talent hunt competitions. I was waiting for a call from 'Indian Idol'.
I'm from a poor family. My father worked as a chef in a South Delhi home. I became friends with another girl in the neighbourhood and her brother soon started proposing to me. I was only 15 and he, 32 years old. On April 18, he messaged me: "I love you.'' I ignored it, but the next day he messaged again: "I want an instant reply.'' Again I didn't respond.
I kept screaming for help but no one stepped forth. Everyone ran in the opposite direction. I could feel my flesh burning and I covered my eyes with my arms. That reflex action saved me from losing my vision.
Acid corrodes quickly. Within a few seconds, I had lost my face, my ear had melted and both my arms were charred black. A politician's driver took me to a hospital, where I was to stay for the next 10 weeks.
I saw myself in the mirror at the end of 10 weeks and couldn't believe what the acid had done to me. The doctors had to remove the entire skin from my face and keep it bandaged. I've already had seven surgeries and need at least four more before I can go in for plastic surgery, provided I can afford it.
I learnt to live with the physical pain but what hurt more was the way the society reacted. My own relatives stopped seeing me, as did my friends. I stayed indoors for eight years and ventured out only in a ghungat.
My main attacker was out on bail within a month and he soon got married. He returned to a normal life within a month, but what about me? Nobody even wants to be my friend; how can I even hope that I'll have a lover or a husband?
I tried to pick up a job but nobody was willing to hire me. Some said: "People will get scared if they see you." Others said they will call back but, of course, the phone never rang. I tried BPOs, banks and beauty parlours but all I got was rejection. Nobody wants to hire acid victims because of the way they look.
But I ask you, is it our fault? Society accepts those born blind or those who are physically challenged. Why are we shunned? If you ask me, we are worse off than rape victims because with our faces burnt, we seem to have lost our identity.
I still sing. I love music. I love partying. I love nail polish. I design and tailor my own clothes. I have desires like you do, but I seem to scare off people.
The only support I got was from my parents, my doctor, my lawyer Aparna Bhatt and from the couple at whose house my father worked. They paid for my surgeries and are still in touch with me.
Even while my parents were coping with the attack, my brother came down with tuberculosis and my father died. I was shattered for the second time.
In the instant that my father died, I had to carry the burden of being the bread earner for the family. My mother has to constantly be by my brother's side and feels really upset that she cannot spend time with me.
I gathered myself together and pursued my case in court. My lawyer had filed a petition in the Supreme Court, asking for a ban on the sale of acid.
Slowly, I started getting in touch with other victims, most of who are blinded or have lost their hearing. Each one of us is poor and cannot afford multiple surgeries.
You can't bear to look at us but we don't have the money to buy ourselves new faces. My friends - yes, I've made new friends and they are all acid victims - are mostly blind.
You stare at us and gather your children in a hurry, hoping they haven't got scared just looking at us. Why don't you tie a band around your eyes and see how dark it gets.
That's how dark our world is.
I hope you never have to inhabit it, but I do hope you understand it. Don't give me the strength if you can't, but don't try and break my confidence. I've just learnt to move on.
I started an online petition and was happy when 27,000 people signed it. I went to the home ministry to submit it to Sushil Kumar Shinde. We waited for three hours but he didn't have even five minutes for us. I had to finally ambush his car to hand over the petition.
Nahim Khan, the man who had attacked me with acid, had to go back to jail after the court awarded him a seven-year sentence. He will be free in two years and continue with life. But my scars will remain forever..
My legal fight will continue. The Supreme Court has ordered states to pay Rs. 3 lakh as compensation, but what about our medical costs - some of us need to undergo 30-40 surgeries? What about jobs? How about sensitising the police force and trials in fast-track courts?
Even countries like Bangladesh have implemented stringent laws to deal with acid crimes but India has resisted it for so long. So many could have been saved. I need your help. We need the government to compensate us too. What about so many of us who are still suffering. Should the law not be with retrospective effect?
I have a dream and I want to live it.

   
Today, Laxmi continues to fight for women's rights and campaigns against Acid Attacks in India where the poor regulations of acid sales contribute to rising number of acid attacks. Laxmi was one of the recipients of the International Women of Courage 2014 award. 

Being a female in a male-dominated society has made survival harder. When something goes wrong to the girl, the society talks about her appearance, her behaviour, her dressing sense and everything else she does but nobody investigates on the actual cause of the incident. What women can do to protect herself is actually very limited when the she has no control over how the others (men) behave at large. We are taught to uphold modesty at all times but what's the point of women minding their behavior alone when members of the opposite sex remain assholes all the time? 

Domestic violence takes place at every corner of the world, in different forms. Probably the differences in cultures across the world result in the variations of social issues we all encounter today. But what's certain is the fact that we all understand what is it is like to have our rights violated, despite the cultural and language barriers. Watch this explanatory video.

I too, have a dream To make a change in the society we are all living in today. I do know that there are numerous challenges to face in order to be who I really am. It's my dream and I want to live it. What's yours?

 I welcome your thoughts and views ! Thank you for your feedback

Apparently Brazil Got Raped Last Night !

I wish I could blog as many times I want in a day! That happens if only I could kick all other work aside. I come across at least one news in the headlines of a local newspaper or on my Social Media news feed that would certainly piss me off and makes me wonder if the battle against sexism ever works. 

So, last night's (depending on where you are) match saw Brazil as the host of the FIFA World Cup 2014 ending their journey in the world's most prestigious football match. Yes, it was a bad loss. They were defeated by Germany by a score of 7-1. It's was a joyful moment for the entire fan club of Germany and they took this victory as an opportunity to humiliate Brazil widely on social media. 

Just google out this hashtag #brazilraped and you will find out how many idiotic fans are actually celebrating the defeated opponent by coining the term 'raped' to humiliate them. Are rape victims supposed to be humiliated? Is rape even a reason for celebration?

I urge you to check out the posts about the match happened less than 12 hours ago on your social media stream to see if you have any sexist friends. I spot a couple of them and I also had a Facebook page moderator criticizing this act of complete stupidity. 

You would be surprised to know that people actually welcome this lame joke and think that it is okay to post such thing online when in reality we are actually supporting the idea of shaming victims of sexual violence.  

 I welcome your thoughts and views ! :D Thank you for your feedback

'Breast Ironing' In Cameroon To Avoid Rape and Delay Puberty

Mothers ‘iron’ daughters breasts to delay puberty and prevent rape

We all know that every society deals with its own issues of discrimination against women. We have societies dealing with rape in night clubs, child bride issues, the 'dowry' or 'wedding gift' custom, birth control and abortions. But in Cameroon, little girls go through hell in the name 'protection' by their very own mothers.

Rape and child pregnancies are very common in Cameroon and mothers over there decide to iron their girls' breasts to delay puberty and prevent rape. So, flat breast don't attract men! Meh! It is a new tradition due to sexual violence in Cameroon where girls will be forced to get their breasts ironed as early as 11. They would simply grab any objects, heat them up and press it on the girls' breasts. These girls cry so hard but all their mothers say is that it is for their 'own good'. Good? So, has the rape cases drop over the years? 

What happens to these girls as they grow up is horrifying as they develop diseases due to this practice. Some have cysts, some have infections and some have their breast looking extremely bad and non-symmetrical. The psychological disorder these girls develop is even worse. They grow up to feel bad about their appearance and the trauma remains in their heart, forever!

There a now a group of women activist with more than 10,000 members are now fighting for the younger generation and the campaign is showing positive results as the percentage of women affected by this practice has dropped to 12 from 25% in 2006.

It is obvious that we all should stay united in fighting for the rights of women and any form of injustice. Are you girls aware of what's going on around the world? Do they know how to protect themselves from men who sweet-talk? Do you teach them to become women who knows their worth? 

Do your part today. Let's do not let another generation of women to define their worth based on their looks or approval from men. 

 I welcome your thoughts and views ! :D Thank you for your feedback

The Rise Of Plus Size Models

The Rise of Plus Size Models Is A Good Sign For Women

A few weeks back I came across a blog post from one of the modelling companies about plus size models. It was recruiting plus size models back then and I got the chance to learn more about ''plus size models''. The term was a whole new idea to me. I have never heard of a modelling company looking for women who are big.

Plus-size model is a term applied to a person who is engaged primarily in modeling plus-size clothing. They also engage in advertising photography for cosmetics and pharmaceutical products. The rise of the plus size models is a good sign of change in the way the society thinks and embraces people in general. 

The society in the previous years has defined beauty in a crude way. A woman has to be as thin as possible to be even 'considered' beautiful. We teach kids to think that way and they end up being so conscious about their weight instead of focusing on their health. Where do you think illnesses like bulimia and anorexia came from? The society puts pressure on young girls with their definition of beauty. We have been giving so much emphasis on people's physical appearance. We are so quick to judge someone by thinking that people who are obese just do not care about their health. 

In reality, your weight and health have very little to do with each other. You can be big and still healthier than a skinny person. You can also be big and unfit. Your health depends on your life style and it doesn't depend on your size. 

I'm happy to see little progress in the society we are living in right now and I think we are outliving the generation that has a very shallow understanding of beauty. With the rise of plus size models, we will have more women accepting themselves for who they are. The qualities one should have to become a model have been revamped and the definition of beauty is now not just entitled to extremely thin models who look 'unhealthy' most of the time but also to women with real curves and realistic bodies that come in all sizes. 

Over the time, the confidence level and how good a person is will be the new yardstick to measure the real beauty! We are progressively redefining beauty and we can be certain of that !


 I welcome your thoughts and views ! :D Thank you for your feedback

Feminist Rating On Movies?

Image from http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/02725/potter_2725991b.jpg

This might be an old news for some of you. I think this rating was introduced in Sweden somewhere in the month of November last year. This new rating for movies based on the level of gender bias was introduced in the cinemas as an effort to encourage more female characters and stories emphasizing women. 

The rating is carried out using the Bechdel test and for a movie to get an "A" rating, it should have at least two women characters talking to each other about any topics or issues other than men. I have read a few articles on feminist rating to get a clearer idea on how this rating system is being implemented and I only manage to get one clue and that is for the movie to get an "A" rating, it must have at least two named female characters who talk to each other about something other than a man.

Taking this new rating system into consideration, many box office movies fail this test and that's including the Harry Porter films. If you have a look at the comments on articles on this news, you will be able to see many, MANY men who disagree with this rating system as they feel that this is just another bullshit from the feminism movement, thus calling feminists feminazis! 

I think the purpose of this system is good but the mechanism to implement it has flaws. It has a very vague guideline and will not assure the elimination of sexual violence at any cost simply by ensuring movies having more than two female characters discussing about anything other than men. The aim of this new rating system is simply to promote gender equality among the society and I believe it has to start from the media which is a great influence on people. I do agree that movies traditionally do not emphasize on female roles and if you look at movies from the East or Bollywood productions, female characters are not given importance most of the time. Although there are some very good movies based on women, they do not get to be in the spotlight. 

The main issue about our movies and the media is that the film and advertising industries have been bias and the public has been getting wrong perceptions about gender equality all these while! Take a look at this advertisement below. 

I applaud the effort taken by Sweden to handle the way media portrays women in the eye of public. But, it could have revised the way the system works to ensure better results without compromising the quality of movies being produced. I hope it doesn't kill good movies with unnecessary bad ratings.

While reading some comments from readers about Sweden, I got to know that men are not allowed pee while standing in Sweden's country council's public restrooms. I guess we should always look at the bigger picture. As long as they know how to aim, it doesn't matter how they pee. What do you say?

I welcome your thoughts and views ! :D Thank you for your feedback

This Attack On Non-Fiction Book Is Maddening!!!

I received an e-mail a few days ago notifying me that I've received a comment for my Goodreads book review. I clicked on the link to see who has responded to my review for "Heroin of the Desert" by Donya Al-Nahi.

This was an old book I bought nearly 5 years ago. I gave this book a 4 star. It's about a woman who help saves kids and reunite them with their mothers. Donya helps non-Arabic mothers who are separated from their husbands after divorce in getting back their kids.

It is a common scenario in the Middle East where the children are being separated from their mothers (especially from Western ladies who got married to Middle Eastern men). I have read a similar story from Carmen Bin Laden who was married to one of the men from Bin Laden's family and struggled very hard to get her two daughters back.

Getting back to the comment I received, I saw someone leaving negative review about the book and urging everyone single person who reviewed the book to read the news that appeared in this link. I tried to check the person's profile page and it appeared to be that he or she has never reviewed any other books before this.

When someone questioned the credibility of the news, this person started arguing. I noticed that this profile doesn't exist on Goodreads today too.

Henry Hoel oh so you kno donya personally I'm guessing. is that right? so you would kno about all the poor mothers she ripped off right? click the links. all the mothers are there with their stores on how donya al nahi ripped them off! lied to them and stole their money !!

Being an avid Middle East story fan, I could relate to this kind of attack on books where the author reveals stories about people being mistreated. My favourite writer in this genre is Jean Sasson and you can read about how her books are being greatly boycotted by anonymous people all over the world.

A quote from Jean Sasson from her website.

For anyone who is considering writing a book, you might want to read my personal account of what it is like to be stalked, and, for that stalker to find attorneys willing to file a frivolous lawsuit. -- Jean

It is pretty intimidating to write and expose crimes but I guess that's what makes life worth living! Living for a cause.

 I welcome your thoughts and views ! :D Thank you for your feedback

#freebleeding ?

I'm not sure how many of you have heard of this new trend of using hashtags with #freebleeding on Twitter and other social media but when I first heard of it, I thought it was so disgusting and probably modern-day feminism has gone wild and insensible.

Researching a little bit more about this new hoax, apparently in February 2014, free bleeding was promoted by members of 4chan as a prank to convince women that feminine hygiene products were a form of patriarchal oppression.

Women get a little bit emotional when it comes to any news about oppression against women. I think that's the reason behind women tweeting and making #freebleeding so popular in February 2014. Look at these tweets on Twitter for yourselves. 

Simply reading the comments below on this article, I can see the 'concern' some women have about mensus and free-bleeding. If you are a man and reading this post, do you feel 'uncomfortable' when you partner is having mensus? Does it even feel disgusting? What about women being 'untouchable' during mensus? While some women prefer not having sex when they are bleeding, the society, from earlier days has made things worse for women by painting a negative image about menstruation. 

The use of sanitary pads is definitely to help woman stay clean. Walking around with menstruation blood flowing all around your house and the public places is just not a wise act. The real challenge lies in educating the society to accept the way a female body functions. 

The real challenge lies in teaching your kids about quality and respecting both sexes. How do you go about dealing with sexual education with kids? 

 I welcome your thoughts and views ! :D Thank you for your feedback