Thappad: What does it take for a woman to be slapped by her husband?

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Taapsee Pannu delivered a though-provoking message through Thappad!
Image credit: Times of India

As I have cleared some of the works I had to complete on my to-do list, I decided to take a break yesterday and watch a nice movie. I love watching movies that have social messages embedded in them and hence, I picked Ponmagal Vanthal, in which the female lead fights against sexual harrasment and violence against girls. While I think that the movie is definitely above average, I think the social message wasn't sent across strongly. The movie could have portrayed how girls and boys should be taught to differentiate the good and the bad touch, and how boys should be raised to respect women. These elements could have been incorporated in the film.

So, while I still have the 7-day free trial on Amazon Prime Video, I decided to stream some other good movies, and Thappad came on the recommended list. I am someone who needs to know the storyline before I watch any movie. The plot I read on Wikipedia made me so curious I started watching the movie immediately.

As I am writing this post, I am watching the movie and it will end in about ten minutes. I love the dialogue delivery and I think the movie is impactful because it is well-written. So, the title of the movie means "slap", because the female lead who is homely, amicable and caring got hit real hard on the face in the midst of a family event as she was trying to calm her husband down in a heated argument with his bosses. She files for a divorce soon after, as her husband did not apologize for the incident and the families think problems "bound to happen", so she was expected to move on and make peace with the husband and family. 

I had to pen my thoughts immediately as we, Malaysians, have recently seen the popular YouTuber SuguPavithra's incident where her husband hit and tried to harm with a sickle in a hospital compound and how an Associate Professor was murdered by her husband who strangled her to death using a head scarf.

My immediate thought when all these issues surfaced was why is it always the womenfolk who get abused by men, usually the husbands? While I agree that there might be issues in the family and even in the movie I just watched, the man was having an argument with his bosses and the wife came to calm him down, but she got hit and not the men.

I think we all get angry and furious and it is alright to vent our frustrations out but why is it always women on the receiving end of the frustrations? Men don't slap men in arguments. Women don't do that either in most cases. 

In the current world, girls are given equal opportunity in terms of education and women now are working and having careers of their own more than ever before. We are free to choose our field of study, and the career path we think fits our life the best. We may get into heated up arguments with our parents but we do not get abused by the men in our households. So, why should women tolerate abusive partners and get hit once they are married and really, what does it take for women to be slapped by their husbands? What makes it absolutely necessary for a grown man to think that he has to hit his wife when her parents and siblings have not done that to her all her life? And why do families still wipe the whole incident under the carpet, and often say that they should move on, like in the movie Thappad?

I think we all don't even think of asking our partners if they slap or abuse others when they get angry because, come on, what a silly question that is! We assume that our partners would not do that until it actually happens and we let the reality sink in. While I think divorce shouldn't be the only solution to problems couples face, and that it is okay to give a chance for the one at the wrong end to repent, I feel that there should be a clear stand point made so that the victim does not get abused again.

What do you think about this post? I welcome your thoughts and views!

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Being Self-Partnered: Are We Glorifying Being Single?

Emma Watson on being #self-partnered

The truth is, everyone on this planet earth needs love and human connection to live a fulfilling life, and that is inclusive of romantic relationships and marriages. I am not saying that everyone SHOULD choose to get married. If you were to look ten to twenty years down the road, those who stayed single were largely those who had issues finding the right person and not because they planned on being single from day one. However, things are pretty much the opposite today. 

A couple of days ago, I came across the term “self-partnering”, which is now trending after Emma Watson glorified her singlehood by coining the term “self-partnership” to her current relationship status. I’m not sure if the women’s liberation movement and feminism in general have been focusing on solving the root causes behind the need to have such movements in the first place.

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Take the scenario of working women today, who fight for equal pay, longer maternity leaves and flexi work hours. All these demands go back to their ultimate concern: childcare. During the old days, the men used to be the breadwinners and the women played the role of homemakers. Then, as the living standard increased, women were expected to help share the financial load and this became a necessity for some women who were both victims of domestic violence and financially oppression.

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We saw women joining the workforce to address the issues they were facing. Of all these “solutions”, we hardly see where and how men are involved as a part of the solution. We only see women largely adjusting their lifestyles to meet the demands of their family. And today, we paint a picture that relationships are fragile, not worthy, and that men are not dependable. Women are glorifying the status of being single because it is liberating, and it depicts how strong women can be.

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If only women are allowed to just be who they are, all these unnecessary restrains wouldn’t have surfaced. If we stopped measuring the worth of women from their skin colour or how well they cook, we could have slowed down the aggravation behind radical feminism. And today, we are subconsciously nurturing financially independent “strong” women because that is the next yardstick that would measure the worth of women. This also indirectly tells that men are not to be dependent on, and if women shed tears or are weak, they are losing the game.

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It is so sad to see that we are undervaluing relationships, portraying the wrong image of human and family values to the generations to come. If only we teach men how to rectify issues coming from them and if only women are not restricted and judged for who they are, cared and loved for by men, the second wave feminism and the power struggle in modern relationships could be a lot easier to handle with.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License. I welcome your thoughts and views ! :D Thank you for your feedback

Paint My Private Part Pink

My New Pink Button

I would like to thank Amy Mah Vampire from Glipho for her post regarding this earlier. 

So, we had dyes for hair, lipsticks to enhance the ladies' lips, tattoos to decorate our skin, fake eyelashes, plastic surgeries, and the list goes on! The human race has invented magnificent stuff since the beginning of time. Some were really beneficial like the planes, bulb and fax machines. In this effort, we also tried reinventing the human race by discarding originality. 

My New Pink Button is a new cosmetic product for ladies who are disturbed with their labia losing its pink colour over time and makes it to look pale and not pink anymore. When I was reading an article related to this new product, I got to know that people from Asia used to bleach their private part as the ladies there have darker groin. 

I'm sure some of you are wondering what colour is your private part right now and you may even want to check it out right now! But seriously, even if it is not pink or red or whatever colour your labia comes when you were born, does it REALLY matter? 

I can't still get it why they don't have similar products to keep penis pink and enhance its colour. The one who invented this product is a lady who was disturbed by the fact that her labia lost the pink colour. She then started to look for a solution and found out that many other women are seeking a similar solution. She came up with this product as a solution to the issue. 

What baffles me is the fact that women think ill of themselves too often and they continue believing myths about staying young and youthful all the time. Women seem to be contributing towards the way this society is treating them because they carve the path for it eventually by allowing people to judge them solely based on their appearance. 

What about growing old gracefully? If men are sensible, they will know that both men and women grow old. When aging takes place, we all lose our beauty and youthful look. Living a fake life doesn't just end there. When someone seeks a fake physical appearance, it will not take long before they adopt fake personalities. 

Gaining happiness with products that satisfies us is a good thing but it shouldn't be done by faking our body and perception. After all, if you truly think your partner loves your heart more than the way you look, the colour of your labia shouldn't be an issue here.


 I welcome your thoughts and views ! :D Thank you for your feedback

Guilty As Charged!

Sooooo Sorry!!!

I know I took a looooong break and I think it has been about two weeks since I wrote anything new here on my blog BUT I have a lot to post and  will never forget what I need to write as I'm having a checklist for my blog!

So where have I been and what was I doing? I was busy with my graduation celebration last week and it was one of the most momentous events in my life! We had to travel far and get things ready for graduation and travelling back to where I live has been very time consuming and tiring! Nevertheless, it was fun and enjoyable!

I have promised +BV Bharati that I will be writing a post soon about why writing and exposing truths can be deadly and I haven't forgotten my promise yet. In fact, it is one of the posts I am having on my checklist. Now that I am back, I will get that done soon.

On the other hand, guess what I found? I saw a story that was covered in the front page of the local newspaper! It is about child marriage in Malaysia and I was completely shocked with the appalling number of child marriages happening in Malaysia. I never knew this issue could be so bad here and I will cover this issues under Child Marriage chapter of my book.

You will be so surprised to know what is happening across the world when you start researching facts and I think I love what I am doing for my book!

I'll be back real soon with consistent posts!


 I welcome your thoughts and views ! :D Thank you for your feedback

Make Love Not Porn

A new movement to rectify the minds of younster

I'm not sure how many of you are actually aware of this movement called Make Love Not Porn by Cindy Gallop. I just got to know about this movement sometime back while reading a blogpost. I thought there was a great idea lying behind it as Cindy speaks about how detrimental pornography is for the youngsters nowadays. The possible reasons why Cindy would have decided to work on this idea are:

1) You Can't Stop Them From Doing It

Nothing is really working when it comes to efforts taken to stop teenagers from having sex. Sex education has educated them to protect themselves from STD's but what about having them refraining from having sex. I don't think so it has worked really well. You will have your kids start questioning about sex sooner or later. Kids are getting very advanced in understanding the world and sex is definitely not an exceptional issue. You can't fool them any longer with an answer or sweeping statements that sound like these; ''sex refers to your gender" or "when man and woman have sex they have babies". 

MLNP

2) Pornography Is Destroying Relationships

It is disturbing to think that pornography has long been ruling over people's sexual life. Men think women will react the way they see on porn and expect their partners to behave the same way. Hardcore porn never reflect the real life sex as people show different inclination towards sexual activities. With this movement, hopefully the younger generation would know what love really is and how porn and love-making are entirely different. I feel the human contact is amiss in porn and I don't think that should be the reference for young adults. 

MLNP

3) Resources Are Everywhere

You can never stop your child from learning about sex. If you are not explaining about it, they will go looking for the information on the websites and you can be very sure that they will stumble upon porn on the internet. So that is how easy they can get mislead. Why not start a movement like this to have the right education where people learn what sex really is and know that it is about emotions, feelings, relationship and love. I think Cindy is able to send this message across to a certain extent and this movement has to go viral to be the talk of everybody so that we could save families in future. 

MLNP

4) Explaining What Love Really Is

I think the main reason why she has started her work on "Make Love Not Porn" videos is because porn is not in favour of love. This movement made us all think where are we heading towards with so much domestic violence that is shattering homes. Porn has made men and women hard and emotionless. On top of that, Make Love Not Porn also stops women from being seen as an object to satisfy men, exposing the truth on how women really feel in the reality. 

Virginity A Gift To Your Man?

virginity & value of women

I had this post on draft in my blog for a long time and I thought I had to write this out when I saw a post on Glipho (a new exciting blogging platform) that was discussing an issue closely related to this article.

Georgia has created turmoil lately when its women stood up for protest against ‘’virginity test’’ that was subjected to brides-to-be particularly by their mother-in-laws to ensure that their sons future wives are ‘’pure’’ and uphold their chastity. Apparently, there are as many as 200 ‘’virginity inspections’’ made each year according to Georgia’s National Forensics Bureau with each test costing about $50 to $60 and double this amount for faster results. This practise has caused uproar in the society especially among feminists who slam hard on the unethical and oppressive act. A week ago, Independent Group of Feminists organised a protest to stop the ‘’virginity institute’’ that ‘’measures’’ the value of women based on their chastity alone.

Meanwhile, as the society puts so much emphasis on the ridiculous belief that women who are not virgins at marriage are not decent women, there is a steady increase in the demand to ‘’restore’’ virginity among women who wants a second marriage and women who fail the test whereby surgeons temporarily stitch the hymens back together.

Now, getting back to my thoughts on this, I drafted this post because I was angered with the fact that women are oppressed emotionally with the common notion that the society held that blindly and stupidly believes that women’s ‘’chastity’’ is the greatest gift for their men. I found a blog where a man was discussing this and says that men treasure their wives more when they reserve their precious first experience for them. If men choose to respect their women, this freaking damn plain sheath won’t be an issue to be debated on in the first place. If men really appreciates women when they ‘’preserve’’ themselves for their men on the wedding night, why are we still seeing some of them wagging their ‘tails’ and going after another woman or ditching their wives with a few children? Is that damn hymen is something men own in women in the first place to be given away and is their concern on women as thin as the sheath?

Of course the first sexual encounter remains fresh on mind, just like the first kiss, the first phone you used, the first school you attended and everything else that came first in your life. But the first may not be the best. So men, why the fuss over the women’s chastity when you know their past won’t harm your happiness together?  

If men can be encouraged to have sex and explore sexual activities at a very young age, so can women. If the damn society thinks men need to have sex with other women who are not their respective wives just so that they save embarrassment during the wedding night, so can women. If men think they can shove their damn thing into any women just because they have sexual liberty, so can women. If men need to learn how to ‘handle’ their wives so must women or else don’t complain that your women are not good at bed!

I believe women would feel bad with the fact that someone has laid her hands on their men as much as men who feel the same over their wives. If something is wrong for women, it is equally wrong for men too.  

Marriage: Trading Sex For Money?

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Look around you and study the factors that drive people to get their partners? Found a similar trend? This is what I'm going to talk about next!

          I agree that financial status and looks play important roles in determining the choice we make for life partners. But, one can run out of money and beauty fades with time. We all know this fact, but still, the majority of young men and women go for looks and money respectively. 

To What Extent Are Money and Looks Important?

             When women consider someone as life partners, we definitely pay importance to the financial security of a man. Most women say yes to a man who is able to provide food on the table and a shelter above the head. These are the basic needs in life. Apart from that, money is also needed to run a family, send kids to school, and have a decent standard of living.  It's hard to live without sufficient money in this world and the least a woman can do to take you as her partner is by considering a man's will to generate money to improve his living standard. I have had a man who isn't moving his ass to provide basic amenities so I know the pain of having an unsecured future in mind.

                 When men consider someone as life partners, they go for looks. I don't know about you reading this but I have seen so many of them putting looks on the top priority when it comes to choosing someone as their wife. Looks are important undeniably to be pleasant enough to the man's eyes and presentable to people addressing the woman as someone's wife. After all, men need some hot-looking girls to be introduced as their wives. This is how men and women basically think. 

What Happens When Looks and Money Overrule Love and Attitude?

                    So we know money and looks don't last. Attitude matters. The love for one's looks and money can die when the man runs out of money and the lady grows old which eventually fades her beauty. It looks pretty fake when someone falls in love with the money and looks. It's like cheating themselves. Marriage becomes like a union trading sex for wealth. As couples can't tolerate each others' attitudes, they tend to live for the sake of marriage or kids or worse separate and find their own way. 

                   Good-looking women are hard to please with as they need to be showered with gifts and treats all the time. They just don't seem to take part in their men's difficulties. Some men even degrade women and label them as someone who comes after money. So, ladies, money buys you and your looks? You sell your looks for money? Isn't turning out to be gross. It's no different than people selling sex for money! That makes us feel so cheap, isn't it?

Attitude Matters The Most

                    I feel it's essential to take time to get to know each other well and get to know their attitudes, their wants in life, and their compatibility with our character. There should always be a way to glue your relationship up when it feels shattering any time soon. A good look and money aren't going to bring you anywhere. The will to look for money and make yourself presentable and beautiful is the key to any successful relationship. Screw that money and looks aside. Appreciate your partners for who they are!

What do you think about this post? I welcome your thoughts and views!

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Dream Father For My Children

          If you want to know how exciting and awe-inspiring, yet at the same time bewildering and frightening different cultures can be subscribe to this blog via email to get notified every time a new post is published.

     Everyone has dreams of their big day with their Mr.Right and dream girl. The other half we have been in search of and the one who fits into our lives just like the missing jigsaw piece. I think I'd like to write my mind about what kind of father I want for my children.

I want a man who is a feminist,

Yes, you got that right and I mean it,

I need a man who respects women, acknowledges their ability and pays heed to the voice of women,

I need a man who could support what I do for a living and be an encouragement, 

not someone who shuns me away from being a working woman. 

I need a man of value,

I need someone who stands for his values and principles, 

Someone who isn't easily influenced,

Someone who doesn't forgo his values for globalization,

I need a man who could pass on these values to the children.

I need a man who is passionate,

A man who is into the things he is good at,

A human-activist,

A man who cares for the well-being of nature,

Someone whose passion is contagious and inspiring.

I need a man who is responsible for his life,

A man whose life is in order,

Whom I believe,

Only then can he make a good life for the family.

I need a man who can teach my children to be independent,

A man who can teach them to live without money,

Someone who could support their passion,

and acknowledges their ambition,

I need a man who doesn't make my children a spoil-brat.

     I need a man of my dream and I'm not compromising on that or settling for someone I less deserve. 

What do you think about this post? I welcome your thoughts and views!

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