How Self-Love Helps Identify What Love Feels Like

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Self-Love Helps You Identify What Is Good For You
Imagc credit: https://www.flickr.com/photos/gemmabou/30331680058

    It's February 14th and the world is celebrating Valentine's Day. This year, we all probably could use more love than ever before as the world is still grappling with the pandemic and its aftermath. Many lost their livelihood, had their mental health at stake, and even lost their loved ones due to Covid-19. I think, today is also a day that reminds us how life is actually short, and that we all should make the most out of every occasion, as next year is not guaranteed for all.

    If you have been following my posts, in my previous post, I had mentioned briefly how invested I am in self-discovery and development books and programs, and how I stumbled upon a coaching program that assisted me in uncovering a lot of toxic traits and decade-long conditioning layered deep beneath the subconscious mind that I am trying to detangle.

    Throughout this journey, I have also learned how to trust my gut feelings better, and understand how to decipher negative feelings. I am certainly more aware of my thought processes and it sometimes baffles me how I get answers to things I am pondering on out of the blue. Getting introspective seems like a whole lot of joyful process as you learn to work on yourself by decoding the cues you get from the universe.

    One of the recent observations I gained includes the process of understanding what feels good and what doesn't, no matter how good things perceive to be. This includes understanding how people treat me, and what their motives are in general. Not so long ago, I used to fear connections a lot. I fear if people are good and I always wonder if I would be deceived. As a result, I have always distanced myself from truly forming new connections. One funny thing happened not too long ago and I think it would perfectly fit this post, to illustrate how fear can stop us from connecting with ourselves and others.

    I went to the shopping mall a few days ago to get an organic shampoo, when I was greeted by a salesperson, trying to direct me to the correct shelf. I was taken aback a little and I thought she was about to promote something I don't need. I quickly regained my awareness, and instead of being withdrawn, I connected with her genuinely. When we fear connection, we fear that we run the risk of being deceived by people, because we don't trust ourselves and our ability to decipher energies and vibes we get around people enough. 

    When you fear connection, you project low vibrational energy. If you would like to be loved, you should give love, and when you are operating from a state of fear, what you want and how you behave are not in alignment with one another, and therefore, you'd also be denied the love you need. I no longer fear connection as I pay attention to how people treat me and discard people I deem not genuine from my life. This is how we identify what love feels like and who fits our life the best.

    I had a fabulous day, and I hope this Valentine's Day was a great one for you too!

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Being Self-Partnered: Are We Glorifying Being Single?

Emma Watson on being #self-partnered

The truth is, everyone on this planet earth needs love and human connection to live a fulfilling life, and that is inclusive of romantic relationships and marriages. I am not saying that everyone SHOULD choose to get married. If you were to look ten to twenty years down the road, those who stayed single were largely those who had issues finding the right person and not because they planned on being single from day one. However, things are pretty much the opposite today. 

A couple of days ago, I came across the term “self-partnering”, which is now trending after Emma Watson glorified her singlehood by coining the term “self-partnership” to her current relationship status. I’m not sure if the women’s liberation movement and feminism in general have been focusing on solving the root causes behind the need to have such movements in the first place.

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Take the scenario of working women today, who fight for equal pay, longer maternity leaves and flexi work hours. All these demands go back to their ultimate concern: childcare. During the old days, the men used to be the breadwinners and the women played the role of homemakers. Then, as the living standard increased, women were expected to help share the financial load and this became a necessity for some women who were both victims of domestic violence and financially oppression.

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We saw women joining the workforce to address the issues they were facing. Of all these “solutions”, we hardly see where and how men are involved as a part of the solution. We only see women largely adjusting their lifestyles to meet the demands of their family. And today, we paint a picture that relationships are fragile, not worthy, and that men are not dependable. Women are glorifying the status of being single because it is liberating, and it depicts how strong women can be.

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If only women are allowed to just be who they are, all these unnecessary restrains wouldn’t have surfaced. If we stopped measuring the worth of women from their skin colour or how well they cook, we could have slowed down the aggravation behind radical feminism. And today, we are subconsciously nurturing financially independent “strong” women because that is the next yardstick that would measure the worth of women. This also indirectly tells that men are not to be dependent on, and if women shed tears or are weak, they are losing the game.

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It is so sad to see that we are undervaluing relationships, portraying the wrong image of human and family values to the generations to come. If only we teach men how to rectify issues coming from them and if only women are not restricted and judged for who they are, cared and loved for by men, the second wave feminism and the power struggle in modern relationships could be a lot easier to handle with.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License. I welcome your thoughts and views ! :D Thank you for your feedback