How To Sit With The Winners

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Sit with the winners, the conversation will be different.

It will surely be different. In fact, more often than not, when we speak to someone who make us go "wow", we feel that they are just miles and miles away from where we are right now that it is a tad difficult to even understand the life they are living, let alone the kind of mindset they have.

However, the moment we are home, the motivation slowly fades away and we quickly become complacent if we do not do something to keep that "conversation" going. The best thing we can do is to listen to motivational podcasts and watch our favourite role models' talks. But how do we ensure that we emulate them in real life and it is not just going to be another podcast we listen to and let the day slip by without really measuring where we are in life? How do we upgrade our circle to attract the life we want?

Now, to have a network of high-flyers is something we all think is pretty cool. However, it takes a lot of effort from our end to change our mindset, to think like a winner, to talk like a winner and to behave like a winner.

Eight months into my business has taught me a lot of things. I have connected with the like-minded people on Facebook and attended events relevant to my interest. I have picked up Yoga and love the vibes I get from those practicing this century-old art. Friends I make from this class are so inspiring; they eat clean and practice mindfulness. I am so grateful to have been drawn towards these communities as they vibe higher in life and motivates me to become better.

I think it is not how fast we can be a part of the high-flying network. It is the little changes we do in life that helps us to transform our daily lives. A changed lifestyle will lead to a changed mindset, and a changed mindset will be a lead magnet to draw those winners we eventually want to be a part of with.

How Inner Work Changes Our Mind and Body
Image Credit: Awwmemes

I am definitely still a work-in-progress and I get paranoid when a strategy fails. I procastinate when I feel pranoid or disturbed mentally, and most importantly it scares the shit out of me still to be accountable of failed plans and audit my business strategies. Because it forces to evaluate who I am, and what went wrong. As an entrepreneur, everything I do reflects who I am. I need to have the tenacity to keep things going and listen to my intuition to truly see what works best.

To have this ability, I should first align my thoughts and emotions, see where my energy is being spent every day and be a better version of myself. Most importantly, creating a business of value requires being a person of value. I think this is the greatest challenge one can have and I am so glad to have chosen this path to live life of my own terms, although I am still a work-in-progress.

What do you think about this post? I welcome your thoughts and views!



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Taking The Sex Out of The Gingerbread Man

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A cafe in Auckland introduced the gender neutral gingerbread people

What if you are told that the Gingerbread Man is no longer a man? The Co-op group announced sometime in April this year that the company, which has diversity and inclusion embedded in its core values, that it is announcing the gender neutral gingerbread people to replace the famous Gingerbread Man.

Following that, a cafe in Auckland decided to introduce the gender neutral cookie this Christmas which has sparked a debate on social media.

Now, what is funny is the fact that the "gender neutral" cookie has one head, two hands and two legs, just like the traditional cookie from the 15th century. Well, probably the gender neutral one is a little darker, may be to support people with darker skin tone (well, I can't say people of colour or the blacks as that might trigger another controversy).

The traditional century-old cookie

Gingerbread dates from the 15th century. Figural biscuit-making was practiced in the 16th century. The Gingerbread Man is also a fairy tale about a gingerbread man's escape from various pursuers and his eventual demise between the jaws of a fox. There are several movies and animated cartoons with featuring the same character as well.

This cookie, which has a humanoid face, with a stubby feet and hands do not really represent the features of a man. We all know that the Snowman does not necessarily have to be a man, and it is just another way of referring to a human being.

The rise of awareness to accept diversity and inclusion has inarguably prompt the company to jump on the bandwagon like Thomas the Tank Engine cartoon that introduced female characters to empower females. This is a way to educate young kids that the females have an equal role to play in a society, and this effort is certainly applaudable.

However, eliminating the need to identify human based on their biological gender takes things to whole lot of different level, which we are not ready for. Most importantly, we are trying to erode the identity of someone with an XY chromose, by saying that man is not a valid identity of gender.

Several months ago, I watched this Ted talk which is simply mindblowing and probably a subject that won't sink into the mind of many. The way we think about biological sex is wrong. Researches have proven that an intersex person doesn't fit the standard definition of male or female. What is even mind-boggling is how our bodies can exhibit the "male" or the "female" attributes that help us to be identified as "men" or "women", but our DNA can say otherwise.

To add to the complexity, this scientist is trying to raise our awareness on the biology of gender, and how people can no longer be classfied according to the male and female classification alone based on our sex chromoses (XX for females and XY for males).

When the human body has proven to be so complex, and if inclusion and diversity are something that we would genuinely like to uphold, shouldn't gingerbread man exist alongside with the other genders of the gingerbread?

The LGBTQIA community exists for a reason, and we stopped identifying them as "gays" in general starting from the mid 80's. It is also not right to call any of this community member as "non-straight" as that is a sign of being non-inclusive.

And that is what the Co-op is doing. It is being non-inclusive by creating a gender-neutral cookie, which clearly defies the whole purpose of it doing so.


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Being Self-Partnered: Are We Glorifying Being Single?

Emma Watson on being #self-partnered

The truth is, everyone on this planet earth needs love and human connection to live a fulfilling life, and that is inclusive of romantic relationships and marriages. I am not saying that everyone SHOULD choose to get married. If you were to look ten to twenty years down the road, those who stayed single were largely those who had issues finding the right person and not because they planned on being single from day one. However, things are pretty much the opposite today. 

A couple of days ago, I came across the term “self-partnering”, which is now trending after Emma Watson glorified her singlehood by coining the term “self-partnership” to her current relationship status. I’m not sure if the women’s liberation movement and feminism in general have been focusing on solving the root causes behind the need to have such movements in the first place.

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Take the scenario of working women today, who fight for equal pay, longer maternity leaves and flexi work hours. All these demands go back to their ultimate concern: childcare. During the old days, the men used to be the breadwinners and the women played the role of homemakers. Then, as the living standard increased, women were expected to help share the financial load and this became a necessity for some women who were both victims of domestic violence and financially oppression.

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We saw women joining the workforce to address the issues they were facing. Of all these “solutions”, we hardly see where and how men are involved as a part of the solution. We only see women largely adjusting their lifestyles to meet the demands of their family. And today, we paint a picture that relationships are fragile, not worthy, and that men are not dependable. Women are glorifying the status of being single because it is liberating, and it depicts how strong women can be.

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If only women are allowed to just be who they are, all these unnecessary restrains wouldn’t have surfaced. If we stopped measuring the worth of women from their skin colour or how well they cook, we could have slowed down the aggravation behind radical feminism. And today, we are subconsciously nurturing financially independent “strong” women because that is the next yardstick that would measure the worth of women. This also indirectly tells that men are not to be dependent on, and if women shed tears or are weak, they are losing the game.

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It is so sad to see that we are undervaluing relationships, portraying the wrong image of human and family values to the generations to come. If only we teach men how to rectify issues coming from them and if only women are not restricted and judged for who they are, cared and loved for by men, the second wave feminism and the power struggle in modern relationships could be a lot easier to handle with.

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Can Your Son Fix the Leaking Pipe?

Can Your son Fix the Leaking Pipe? 

Are We Ignoring Our Teenage Sons?

As the doors screeched open, the sunlight creeped through the dark hall where we were lying down on the floor; eyes glued to the television that was screening our favourite movie, “Child’s Play”. A lady in her sixties walked staggeringly into our living room and landed her generously large backside on the sofa, intruding our privacy just like the way the light made its way into our space. From the ray of light, I saw tiny dust particles from the sofa gushing through the air, and before the dust settles, she quickly broke the silence in house. “Is she your eldest daughter? She has grown up so fast. Does she help with you with cooking and cleaning?” she inquired authoritatively to my mother. It is funny how she was not bothered to question if my two older brothers could fix the lights, unclog the kitchen sink or do the simple plumbing job just like the way my father does!

We all know a lady or in our neighbourhood or family, similar to the intruder. Fearing the judgement of the society, mothers in the previous generations raised their daughters to be obedient women. In no time, we realized that women became the victim of domestic violence and a range of other discrimination as men took the “obedient” women to their advantage. We later started to preach about feminism, how girls should be educated and taught them to be strong and independent. We even try to infuse the idea that women do not necessarily need men to complete their lives.

But time after time, we tend to fix the issues plaguing our society by trying to “fix” girls and women whether or not the root cause of the problem lies in them. Are we ignoring our teenage sons? Is it time to focus on how to raise our boys to grow up to become wonderful fathers and husbands? Too many women are now trying to be their own hero as we are forced to believe that men are not capable of being worthy human beings. However, deep down in our hearts, we all know that this is not true. Therefore, let’s pay attention on how we raise our sons just as much as we focus on raising strong and loving girls.

I welcome your thoughts and views ! :D Thank you for your feedback


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Are We Raising Feminists The Right Way?

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Princess Jasmine from Aladdin, who went with Aladdin to see the whole world!
How wrong can that be?

We are living in an era where we focus on individualism, and we advocate for feminism now more than the past. But, in the process of trying to form strong individuals in the society, are we forgetting that we are all human beings and that it is our nature to live harmoniously with the society by helping people around us and loving them for who they are?

Feminists often fight for women and men to be treated equally and in the process of raising a feminist society, women are often told to do eveything a man can do so that they would not need to depend on men to get things done. The entire feminism movement stems from the century-long oppression that women faced, which made women in this era to step up and fend for themselves.

It's not true that our mothers are better wives than us, they are just better in concealing pains and traumas than us.

However, as we are trying to raise a feminist society, are we actually solving the root cause of the issue or creating an issue that we need to address down the road? Are we raising men the right way, and are mothers teaching boys to be more compassionate, loving and respectful towards women?

So, I recently came across an Instagram video post by an #instagramkid star, Madison Jade, whose video went viral as she said Princess Jasmine doesn't need Aladdin to go see the whole world. The video fetched a lot of positive comments from the audience.

However, we all know that Princess Jasmine wanted to ascend the throne of Agrabah. Disney has definitely improved the character of the female lead quite a lot as compared to the original version, thanks to the feminism movement! Princess Jasmine wanting to see the whole world and Aladdin bringing her on the magic carpet is not a sign of the princess being weak, but rather an act of accepting the affection from Aladdin, who loves her.

Are we being overtly defensive?

Are we being a little too hard up and refuse to feel vulnerable? Or we afraid that men, even twenty years from now, would not treat women right that we need to raise or girls to be their own hero, and rescue themselves? Are we insinuating the fact that "men are men" and that men will not change?

While it is definitely important to have a high self-esteem and to be able to stand on our own feet, I think we should not deny the fact that, at the end of the day, women need men, and vice versa, to love a fulfilling life. After all, we are all just walking each other home. Can't we let our guards down and be more loving and compassionate towards each other?



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How The Universe Kicked My Butt

A picture from my solo trip

How the universe kicked my butt

My lecturer called me one fine day, saying that he is seeing many fresh graduates posting on LinkedIn about their difficulties in finding jobs and how some companies are bias when selecting candidates and even when they are all qualified, they have to wait for jobs and for that one chance to break through a career. 

He called me and said the posts on LinkedIn inspired him to come up with ideas to write a book for fresh graduates entitled The Sin of A Fresh Graduate. 

He said he knows my passion for books and writing and thus wants me to write two chapters for the book. 

I'm already into the book and publishing industry but I never wrote a book before this although I have a plan to write one. It's my dream to have my existing book business go big.

Little did I know that this is how the universe conspires to kick my butt and get me doing what I wanted to do.

I wrote the two chapters, and the gist of the chapters is basically encouraging graduates to think out of the box and explore all possibilities including entrepreneurship.

Now, writing the chapters has forced me to walk the talk. It has encouraged me to dive into entrepreneurship again now that I'm free from depression, and I have to make sure that the book is going to be a best seller because I'm in the industry already and I need to be successful to run a successful business.

It's just amazing how the universe conspires to force you and kick you in the butt to make sure you become what you preach.

Juggling Depression and Presence of Mind

Are you busy or productive?

What did you do today? Will they bring you closer to where you want to be tomorrow? #reflection

We all change, grow and evolve every single day. I made my mind that in 2019, I want to make some important life-changing decisions. However, until one month ago, I was unsure if I have all it takes to plunge into the uncertainties I would have to face as consequences to my decisions.

As time passes, and as I took time off for myself during my birthday trip, I learned to listen to myself, my instinct and my soul. What seemed to be blurry had begun to clear up.

I've gained the ability to train my mind to align with the soul and body. There are lesser depressed moments; as I was affected by depression not so long ago. I have reduced the times I need people's opinions or advices as I have started to use my instincts as the compass.

I've learned to chart my goals and visions; and relate them to the work I do everyday to actualise them.

What are your goals for 2019? Where are you now in attaining them?

My goals are financially freedom and happiness.

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I welcome your thoughts and views ! :D Thank you for your feedback